TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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