Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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