Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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