broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
