one two three fourrrrnication!
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
