you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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