You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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