I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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