I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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