I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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