Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
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