i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
