The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
