I skipped work to stalk him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
