I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
