it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
