so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
