He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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