You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize