How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
