Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
