How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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