thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize