Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
