if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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