Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
