take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
being pregnant is like rehab
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
