my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
