Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
