So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
