My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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