I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
