2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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