We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
