I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
