Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
