I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize