I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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