I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
