how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
