# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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