I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
