Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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