And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
