I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
