Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
