I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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