its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
