I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
