do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
