I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
