ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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