Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
