True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
