tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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