she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
