i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
