"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
porn star boner night. come get it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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