if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize