Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
