You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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