wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.