Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
