It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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