haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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