Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
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She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice