I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dating After Heartbreak
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She had a baby Jesus butt plug