I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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