I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
