This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
