I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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