At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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