It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
