hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is wine microwaveable?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My bed smells like the plague
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
