With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
