dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
