i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
