Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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