you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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