Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I could make wine with my vomit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
